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The crimson flash pulses, illuminating Kirk's chiseled features rhythmically as the wail of the "Red Alert" warning cascades throughout the ship.
"Alien spacecraft straight ahead," shouts Chekov.
"Readings, Mr. Spock," asks Kirk, studying the star-filled view screen intently.
Spock hovers over the science control console, his eyes illuminated by the cool blue radiance of his sensor viewer.
"Small vessel, one life form aboard," states the Vulcan in his unemotional, staccato delivery.
Kirk quips back, "Anything else, Spock?" A turn of the sensor control dial and Spock mutters to himself, "Very interesting."
"What is it, Spock," Kirk demands.
Spock replies, again in his steady tone, "Sensors indicate the ship is carrying a large quantity of hand weapons, tricorders and communication devices."
Kirk looks at him, puzzled, "What's so odd about that?"
"Well Captain," the pointy-eared science officer replies, his right eyebrow arching ever so slightly, "the devices are not functional -- they're all cleverly constructed replicas."
"I knew it Jim," interjects McCoy, who has just recently stumbled out of the bridge elevator.
"Knew what," asks an even more puzzled Kirk.
"It's another one of those blasted prop collectors," says McCoy. "They're a mutated life form from 20th century Earth, and they're sweeping the galaxy like crazed banshees."
Kirk's eyes lock onto McCoy's, "Are they dangerous, Bones?"
"I'm a doctor, not a Trekkie, Jim," snaps McCoy gruffly. " Who knows why these people are obsessed with collecting replica phasers and communicators."
And with that, the good doctor rips Kirk's shirt from collar to elbow and pushes a hypo spray against his arm with a long, steady hiss.
"What's that for," asks Kirk, now really, really puzzled.
"I have no idea, Jim," says McCoy. "It just seemed like a dramatic way to end this introduction to Eckel's article on prop collectors."
Prop collecting. Previous articles have discussed the many replicas available, but here's my first stab at why we even collect in the first place.
My first exposure to Star Trek props came, as I am sure most other collectors did, at a Star Trek convention. Being only 10 or 12 at the time, I remember how cool I thought it was to see grown adults walking around in Star Trek costumes, many of them sporting replica phasers, communicators and tricorders. Asking if I could see and perhaps even hold their prop replicas, I soon learned that most of these people were not necessarily so much into collecting the props as they were into the experience of dressing up in costume.
For instance, when I asked to open the middle compartment of one woman's classic Tricorder, she said it didn't open. Didn't open? How was she going to scan for alien life forms if her tricorder's middle compartment didn't even open? And much to my dismay, another fan's tricorder was nothing more than a voltage regulator meter purchased from Radio Shack.
To most of these fans the props were merely accessories to compliment their costumes, and most were not nearly as obsessed as I was with the finer details of the props they had.
Regardless, I thought these homemade props were the neatest thing, as I had only been able to fashion my replicas from construction paper, LEGOS, and erector set parts -- I didn't have the skills or know-how to carve them from wood or fashion them from plastic or resin.
At my very first convention in Detroit, I remember seeing a communicator and phaser in a glass display booth. These were fan made replicas, constructed of injection-molded plastic. The communicator looked great -- plated metal grid, aluminum detail parts, and a hypno-coin used for the moiré pattern. The phaser wasn't shaped quite right, but the fact that it was built in plastic made it look real to me -- a far cry better and sturdier than my hollow phasers made out of construction paper! However, in all their crudeness, at least my phasers allowed me to recreate the scene in SPACE SEED where Kahn twists Kirk phaser like a pretzel.
I recall this memory because I believe it answers why I collect props -- or at least why I started. After seeing these first fan-made creations, I knew that I wanted to have something that appeared so realistic for my own. I wanted to hold them and play with them and pretend that I was Kirk, or Spock or Scotty stranded on some alien planet.
I wanted to make tangible my love of the series, not only by wearing a gold shirt, black trousers and my black rubber rain boots, but by holding all the various gadgets and gizmos Roddenberry's characters used -- and the more they looked liked the genuine article, the better.
Of course there were eventually a few licensed Star Trek phaser, communicator and tricorder toys or models, but these were nowhere near anything like what Kirk and Spock used on the series. They were either too big or too small or just outright wrong. I often wondered if the people who made these atrocities ever watched Star Trek at all! Was the guy who built the MEGO communicator walkie-talkies color blind? They were supposed to be BLACK, not two-tone BLUE. Didn't REMCO know that the pistol phaser had a silver front bezel, not a dorky flashlight cone?
No, these just wouldn't do -- I wanted the REAL thing. So like any naive kid would do, I wrote to Paramount Studios and asked them to send me some of the real communicators and phasers that Kirk and Spock used on the show. They must have plenty of extras, I thought, what with them throwing them around the way they did and with all those red shirt guys having them, surely there must be an extra one stashed in the shuttlecraft's cargo area that I could have. Of course, Paramount said they didn't have any to spare and all I got back was a photo and their regrets that the props weren't available.
And thus began my collecting obsession which lasts even to this day.
Now that I am an adult, I do not run around the neighborhood in my Kirk costume brandishing my phaser -- at least not as often. However, I still love to collect, and have several friends who do as well. It is interesting to note how we are each unique in how we collect.
A nearby friend has a sizable Trek prop collection, from both the Classic TV series as well as from Next Generation and the Trek movies as well. He is a stickler for detail, favoring those replicas that look most like the props that were actually used in the series. In fact, many of his most prized possessions are props created from molds used to make the actual props seen in the series -- which are obviously very difficult and costly to come by.
I think the Star Trek Experience gift shop in Las Vegas is selling a Next Generation Tricorder prop for close to $2,000.
My friend and I have had many anal-retentive conversations over such minutia as the aluminum bezels which rest beneath the jewel indicators on the communicator, the subtleties in the various phaser nozzles, and whether or not McCoy's scanner should sport a fluted or a textured grip. Geek talk to the extreme, which shows you how obsessive this collecting can be to some.
The frustrating thing for us detail-obsessed collectors is that there is not a definitive guide for what the actual props looked like. Instead, we subject ourselves to endless discussion, debate and arguing over this issue, and whether our replicas are the most accurate. We analyze still-frame close-ups of prop-shots from videos of the episodes. We glom onto any photo reference of the props and build our own archive of prop reference. Even within the collecting circles, there will be one acclaimed expert who will tell you one thing about a particular prop detail, only to have another collector say the exact opposite.
Who do you believe? Perhaps the fun is in never truly knowing for sure -- and eventually realizing that perhaps it's not all that important to begin with.
Other collectors do not wish to examine their replicas with a magnifying glass and are happy to collect reasonable facsimiles, provided they are built well and look relatively accurate. Some collect only Classic props. Others are only into Klingon accouterments.
Some even enjoy collecting the different variations in prop replicas -- appreciating their variances in detailing as being representative of a particular prop artist's interpretation of what the prop should look like.
Some collectors prefer functional prop replicas that simulate the sounds, lights or actions of the props used in the series. For instance, what good would McCoy's medical scanner prop be if that little twirly thing-a-ma-bob didn't twirl? Or why even own a phaser if it doesn't light up and make the trademark phaser warble? And a communicator certainly ain't worth its salt if it doesn't at least chirpity-chirp-chirp when you flip its grid open, right? Such functional props certainly have their appeal, especially props based on the tricorders seen in Voyager and Deep Space Nine -- take away all those flashing LEDs and illuminated screens and you have little left but a small square grey chunk of plastic.
Now, if somebody would only build a classic Trek tricorder with a real working TV screen, or pistol phaser that really shot a visible beam of light -- now THAT would be cool.
As appealing as such functional props are, there are some collectors who are indifferent to lights and noise, preferring accuracy in design and sturdy engineering over such flashy features. I can understand the appeal of a non-functional prop, as the original props used in the series rarely, if ever, actually did anything.
For instance, the classic communicators never had working lights, yet many replicas have them (and there are some who say they DID in fact have little grain of wheat bulbs inside). Sure, they look cool, but I would prefer one that simply chirped and had a twirling moiré pattern -- both features actually shown in the series.
Other people enjoy the lights and even the digitized voice of Scotty asking, "How many to beam aboard?" But what if I wasn't ready to beam aboard? What if I wanted to know the ship's status? Or if the Klingons were invading? To me, the digitized voices are cute, but only if they could rig it up so there were many more voice clips to choose from.
Flashing lights, digitized sounds, twirling thing-a-ma-jigs -- whatever the case, most people collect props to display, to play with, and, on occasion, wear with their costumes at Halloween parties or conventions. Some of these collectors are just as happy to velcro a Playmates toy phaser to their utility belts as they would a $400 hand-built prop replica.
Of course, there are also those people who enjoy collecting original props, but I can't comment much on this as the $2000 - $10,000 price range most original props command isn't in my budget. There is also the issue of authenticity. Some replicas are so good that it is difficult to distinguish a real prop that was used in a series to a fan-made replica.
I would caution anyone considering an actual prop purchase to ask for paperwork that verifies the authenticity of the prop. Even if I could afford an original, I believe it is more fun to collect replicas, as they can be played around with. Can you imagine casually playing around with an $8,000 phaser prop? Not me.
However you enjoy collecting props, from the inexpensive toys to the more expensive replicas, perhaps the reason why we collect is best summed up by collecting guru Tony Russo.
During a recent phone call on the subject, Tony told me that he collects for nostalgic reasons, explaining that his prop replicas are a fond reminder of the Star Trek universe.
Holding a phaser or communicator replica is a way to touch our Star Trek memories -- to revisit and celebrate our passion for the series that took our hearts and minds beyond the stars.
I'll remember what Tony said next time I duck into a closet, whip out my communicator, and ask the Enterprise to beam me up. Wait...what was that beep? It appears to be coming from my communicator replica prop...let me just flip it open and see who's hailing me...
CUT TO TRANSPORTER ROOM. A shimmer of glittering light reveals that Ted Eckel has been beamed aboard. He is immediately surrounded by red-shirted security guards, each holding a pistol phaser.
"Hey, those are the best replicas I've ever seen -- where did you get those," asks Eckel.
"Just step down from the transporter nice and easy, Mr. Eckel, and you won't be harmed," says a familiar Scottish accent.
"What? Scotty....is that really you," Eckel asks in amazement.
Before the Chief Engineer can answer, the doors swoosh open and in walks Kirk, Spock and McCoy.
"Wow," says Eckel.
Kirk gives Bones a wink, and the ship's good doctor starts waving a medical scanner over Eckel's body.
"Cool," says Eckel.
"Well, Bones?" quizes Kirk.
The doctor provides a quick assesment, "Just as I thought, Jim. He shows the advanced signs of Replicitis."
"Replicitis? What's Replic...oh, I get it," says Eckel, looking down at the prop replica still in his hand. "You think that my collecting is out of control, is that it?"
"The scanner never lies," says Bones matter-of-factly.
Spock, who has been studying Eckel's prop, interrupts the medical exam. "It appears to be a Horch piece, Captain."
"Obviously NOT a licensed Paramount replica" says Kirk. "I'm afraid you are in violation of the Prime Prop Directive -- I'm afraid you must give us that replica back and be happy with this IPI Licensed Star Trek Communicator® Prop Replica instead."
"But I like THIS one," says Eckel, clutching the Horch piece close to his chest.
"Aye, looks like the lad is going to put up a fight, just like the rest of them," says Scotty.
Kirk gives Spock a sideways glance, "Can you reason with him, Spock?"
Spock looks at Eckel and says, "You know, the IPI authentically styled licensed communiucator has an LCD clock and full-function calculator cleverly built right in."
"Forget it, you pointy-eared half-breed," shouts Eckel. "You're not gonna get your green-blooded hands on my Horch piece, and that's that!"
"Oh really," says Spock. "Did I mention that you have a multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder?"
Eckel looks at the Science Officer and laughs, "Forget it, Spock -- I've seen every Star Trek episode fourteen thousand times, and that line is one of the oldest tricks in the book. You're just saying that so I'll look at my shoulder and then you'll reach over as if to brush the imaginary bug away and then give me the ol' Vulcan Neck Pinch. That's right, Spocky, I called your bluff, didn't I? Not feelin' so logical now, are you?"
But before Spock can answer, the multi-legged Rigilean Brainworm that was really on Eckel's shoulder mistakes Eckel's cologne as a mating pheromone and repeatedly stabs Eckel's neck with his four-inch long stinger, injecting the hapless prop collector with enough venom to kill an entire starship crew four times over.
McCoy bends over Eckel's crumpled body, waving his scanner to and fro. He shakes his head and then looks up at Kirk. "He's dead, Jim."
Kirk looks down at the body and then back to McCoy. "I just KNEW you were going to say that."
McCoy shrugs his shoulders.
"Can't you give him a hypo-spray or something," asks Kirk.
"I'd love to," says McCoy, "Except Playmates never made a licensed toy of my hypo...thought it would turn kids on to drug use or something. I can use this nifty protoplasm thing-a-ma-jig, though."
FADE TO BLACK, ROLL END CREDITS.
